I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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