i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
