i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
