It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
