singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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