I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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