Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
