I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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