god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
