Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
