I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
