last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
