That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
