she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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