I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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