How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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