OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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