Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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