she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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