Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize