Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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