Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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