do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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