I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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