You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
