The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
