Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize