You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
