You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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