I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
