It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
be right there i have to get my cape
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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