no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
