Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
