Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
