dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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