I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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