i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Couch. On fire.
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