He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
