Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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