it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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