So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize