nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
false alarm. still invincible.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
