And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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