When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
