16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
