so that wasnt chicken after all
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
