omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
