Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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