Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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