dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
