I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
