I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
