Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
