My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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