so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
