even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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