everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
