franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
