forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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