Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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