i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize