you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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