is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
