Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
