I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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