Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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