hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
