my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
