Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A bitchslap is in order.
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