i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
