How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
