there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
