I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
