i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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