I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
